We all know we got to earn it, the question is how. As a foreign volunteer the task is more delicate as you face many prejudice and disproportionate expectations. After a wee bit over a year living and working here in Ecuador I think I earned the respect of most people around me. That is my gringo friends of course but also my colleague at the FCAE and DEIBNAE, without forgetting my neighbours of Lita and Baboso. I had a recent experience however that brought me to question the sincerity of this respect from one of my colleagues from the Awá artisan group. We were scheduled to travel to Quito together to do some market research there. I hopped on a 6am bus giving her the bus company, bus number and departure time but she still managed to miss it, letting me face Quito hell by myself. She calls me up as I am riding on my own making me feel bad because she missed the bus (I should’ve called her as we passed by her you see despite the fact I had no idea where she was). She had the guts to add that she felt that my private life was affecting my work and that I shouldn’t forget my responsibilities. I was wondering at this point who was actually on the bus as planned out.

I did my thing in the capital, making contacts with the municipality to find out how to get a space for the Awá in the artisan fairs in the Parque Ejido and also showed some wood products to the luxurious Olga Fisch store who liked the carved animals quite a lot but disliked the masks for not being genuinely Awá. When I get back to the office, she’s there and I therefore debrief my little solo adventure of the morning. Not a “thanks” but a few criticisms on things I could’ve said. Things deeply rooted in Awá culture that I am supposed to know I guess. I felt very disappointed. Is it because they don’t pay us that we are so under-valued? I felt treated like her servant, I was disgusted. It’s more painful considering that I thought she was a reliable and respectful colleague with which I have been working since my inception with the FCAE. Some told me not to take it personal, that the evangelical, jehovah witness thing gets to her head sometimes, that despite being one of the smartest and most rational Awá leaders, she occasionally freaks out. So be it.

At the FCAE monthly planning meeting I felt the same sense of oblivion. Not a single thing I did, project I worked on seemed to be taken into account by the coordinators. Environmental education, women and youth projects and Awá crafts seem to be the last ring of the ladder. How could it compete with never-ending meetings among Awá leaders that hardly ever lead to anything concrete except perhaps scheduling another one of them meetings, as long as food is served of course. I am certainly the quiet type only opening my mouth when asked to or when I hold critical information that could help out. Awá meetings is a space for them to figure out what they want to do, I have no decision-making power and I am radically against the paternalistic attitude of other foreign volunteers working there.

The FCAE sent all their troops to the community of La Union to sort out the mining company problem. They walked all the way to the entrance of the territory, talked and turned around, back to the city. The fellows from the ministry of environment came along but forgot to bring their rubber boots and couldn’t take the ocean of mud anymore. Another useless attempt? Perhaps, but at least this time they tried, falling short only an hour from the centre of the community.

On a more positive note, my PC buddy and I started giving ecotourism English classes in Lita. We give two hour classes every Sunday and already completed 2 out the 8 modules planned out. The attendance is good, around 20 students as we were hoping for and the crowd is mostly composed of young students. I also just came back from a environmental education class I gave at the Baboso school this morning. It’s the first one I do with the kids and as all Awá children facing a gringo for the first time, they were very quiet for most of the class, almost mute. I had a drawing activity planned out, anticipating that the discussion piece would be brief. I am highly appreciative of the Baboso teacher to give me this space. We agreed with the class that I would come do one environmental education activity every week from now on. This is critical for me to test the activities I have been working on these past four months and validate them with Awá teachers. This is what I moved to Lita for, work directly with the communities, avoiding office nonsense.